Sisterhood

In the back of my mind,

a small voice whimpers,

"This is what you left me behind for?"

You,

who had me crying for your lies about our adoptive dad.

You

who teased me for being 'perfect'.

Who broke windows and snuck out to party.

Who taught me how to pop pimples

to make wishes on eyelashes.

You,

who locked me in closets with small medicinal tablets

you were supposed to consume.

You.

Who was a child too old to take.

Traumatized by a mother who sold your sister for drugs.

Who had one brother arrested for stealing.

A mother who stayed with a husband who raped the other brother,

A mother who threw your little sister in a dumpster

who tried to hide from her invisible enemies nearby.

She is who you ran back to.

I know its selfish

I forever wonder why my love for you was not enough.

but you ran away from me.

Before you were ready to hold your own,

before you could take any care of yourself.

She is who our sisterhood died for.

This is the life you ran towards.

A life with diseased Rhinos

Twice spent life insurance.

Nights in Walmart parking lots.

With no teeth and meat on your bones.

With a child you can't understand

and a teen who wants to take their own life.

This is what you left me for.

Now,

I am either too selfish to care

or it is my heart that is too shattered to bear.